Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
honey bunches of taint.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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