so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
