I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
