I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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