i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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