Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
