I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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