talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
