Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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