she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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