Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
