it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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