Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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