FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
