Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
