So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
