the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
