when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
