sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
