why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
