Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your dad touched me again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
