And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
