When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think my moral compass just broke
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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