I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
