remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
