Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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