cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
