You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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