it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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