Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
