just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
