I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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