I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
