I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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