What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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