I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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