How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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