No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
