I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
