This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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