i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
