sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
