After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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