Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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