Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
