I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
