Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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