If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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