I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
