Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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