I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
